What I Really Want to Say
Translate judgment, anger, and confusion into something clear and honest. For those conversations you've been putting off — because you don't know how to say it without attacking or shutting down.
Based on Nonviolent Communication — Marshall Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication starts from a simple idea: behind every judgment there is a feeling, and behind every feeling there is a need. When you discover the need, the conversation changes completely.
Here you'll translate what you're feeling into something you can actually say.
What happened?
Describe the concrete situation — without judgment, without interpretation. What did the person do or say? Facts, not labels. Instead of "she was rude," try "she said X while I was talking."
What are you feeling?
Not what you think about the person — what you feel in your body. Anger? Sadness? Frustration? Fear? Loneliness? Confusion? Feelings are signals, not problems.
What need isn't being met?
Every feeling points to a need. If you're angry, maybe you need respect. If you're sad, maybe you need connection. If you're frustrated, maybe you need autonomy. What's missing?
What would you like to ask for?
Not a demand — a concrete, doable request. Instead of "I want you to change," try "I'd like that when X happens, you could Y." A specific request, not an impossible transformation.
Putting it all together
Now try to build the full sentence, in the format: "When [fact], I feel [feeling], because I need [need]. I'd like [request]." You can adapt with your own words — what matters is that it's honest and non-attacking.
When and how will you say it?
Having clarity on what to say is half the battle. The other half is choosing the moment. When do you want to have this conversation? In what context? In person, in writing? With what energy? Plan the how.
What you really want to say
From raw reaction to honest speech — without attacking, without shutting down.
What happened
What I feel
What I need
My request
What I really want to say
When and how
What changes when you swap "you always do this" for "I need..."?